the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
