No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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