I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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