clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
