ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
