textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
