You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
