he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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