i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
