I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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