Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
