It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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