i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
