i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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