Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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