We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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