I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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