I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
