Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
