It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
