Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
