you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
