i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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