Your dad touched me again.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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