i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
