Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
