You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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