dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
