I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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