every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Randomize
