Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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