If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
