I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
