dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
