i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
