i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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