dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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