Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
