I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
