hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
