Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
