Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
