I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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