I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
