I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
