Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
