where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
