just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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