addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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