i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
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I need you to use more vowels.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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