so explain again why im purple
no
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
