i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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