HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
