Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
