Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
