So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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