I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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