he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
