eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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