Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
