Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
