I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
