When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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