DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
