there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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