too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
