I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
