sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my sisters under your porch take her home
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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