Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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