it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
