i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
