i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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